How to Talk to Your Parents About Their Will

Few conversations feel more awkward than asking your parents about their Will. It can feel like prying, like counting their money, or like raising the one subject everyone would rather avoid. So most families never have it, and the cost of that silence is paid later, in confusion, delay, expense and sometimes lasting rifts.

This factsheet is for the adult children. It explains why the conversation matters, how to open it kindly, what to check, and where the legal boundaries lie.

Why the conversation matters

Avoiding intestacy. Most UK adults do not have a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) (the registered document that lets someone they trust act for them if they lose mental capacity), and a large minority have no Will at all. A parent who dies without a valid Will dies intestate (without a Will), and a strict legal formula, not their wishes, decides who inherits. Unmarried partners and unadopted step-children get nothing, and a surviving spouse may have to share with children in fixed proportions. Our Intestacy: Who Inherits Without a Will factsheet sets out how stark the rules are.

Avoiding lost documents. A Will that cannot be found after death is, in practice, almost as bad as no Will. Knowing where it is can matter as much as knowing it exists.

Avoiding disputes. Most inheritance disputes are not really about money; they are about surprise. A Will nobody knew about, an unequal division never explained, an executor choice that blindsides a sibling. Conversations held in good time, in your parents' own words, defuse most of these before they start.

The reframe that changes everything

The shift that makes this possible is simple: it is not about who gets what. You are not asking what you will inherit, actively avoid that question. The conversation is about making sure your parents' own wishes, whatever they are, end up recorded, valid and findable.

• Recorded: written down in a valid Will, rather than living in somebody's memory of a conversation.
• Valid: properly signed and witnessed, and not accidentally revoked by a later marriage.
• Findable: the original in a place their executors know about.

Framed that way, you are not asking for anything; you are helping make sure their voice is heard. Most parents are quietly relieved someone raised it.

Starting the conversation

Pick a calm moment, not a crisis. A relaxed weekend, a long drive, a walk, not a hospital corridor, and not Christmas dinner with everyone watching.

Use a doorway. It is easier to step through a natural opening than to make an announcement:

• After you have updated your own Will: "We've just sorted ours out. It was much less grim than I expected. Have you two ever looked at yours?"
• After a friend's or relative's death: "Their family had an awful time sorting it out. It made me think I ought to know where yours is."
• After a news story about care costs or probate delays.
• While helping with paperwork: "While we're in the filing cabinet, is the Will in here somewhere?"

Make it about practicalities, not money. "If anything happened, would we know where to find things?" is a question about paperwork, not inheritance.

Don't try to finish in one sitting. The first conversation succeeds if it simply opens the door.

What to gently check

You are establishing a handful of practical facts, nothing more:

• Is there a Will, and roughly when was it made? Anything older than about ten years, or made before a marriage, divorce, birth or house move, is worth a look.
• Where is the original kept? A copy is not enough. A Will last known to be in the maker's possession that cannot be found after death is presumed to have been destroyed on purpose.
• Are the named executors still alive, well and willing? Executors chosen forty years ago are often no longer able to act.
• Are there Lasting Powers of Attorney, and are they registered? Both types, property and financial affairs, and health and welfare. An unregistered LPA cannot be used.
• Has anyone married since the Will was made? In England and Wales marriage revokes an existing Will unless it was made in contemplation of that marriage.
• Is there a list of what is where? Accounts, pensions, policies, premium bonds, any funeral plan, and the online accounts nobody else can get into.

You do not need to know what any of it says. You only need to know that it exists, that it is current, and that somebody can find it.

Red flags worth a kind follow-up

Most of what you hear will be reassuring. A few answers are worth coming back to gently, because they usually mean something has been left undone.

• "It's all sorted" with no detail. Sometimes it genuinely is. Just as often it means a Will was made decades ago and never looked at again.
• A Will made before a marriage, a divorce or a death in the family. Any of those may have changed or cancelled it without anyone noticing.
• Nobody knows where the original is, or it was left with a firm that has since closed or merged.
• No Lasting Powers of Attorney. This is the most common gap and the most expensive one, and it is the only problem here with a closing window: it can only be fixed while capacity lasts.
• Someone new has become closely involved in their money. Usually entirely innocent. Occasionally not. Financial abuse of older people is more common than families expect, and a quiet check is not disloyal.
• Signs that memory or judgement is slipping. Repeated questions, unpaid bills, unopened post. If capacity is in any doubt, that is the moment to get help rather than to wait.
• Talk of "putting the house in the children's names". This is where families do real damage with the best intentions. Read our Care Fees & Your Home: Myths vs Facts factsheet before anybody signs anything.

Handling resistance and sibling dynamics

Some parents will wave the subject away, "plenty of time for that" or "it's all sorted" with no detail. Don't push. Plant the seed, leave a factsheet like this one on the kitchen table, and come back another time. Repeated gentle mentions over months beat one fraught confrontation.

Siblings need equal care. A conversation one child has behind the others' backs breeds exactly the suspicion you are trying to prevent. Be open with your siblings that you are raising it, invite them in, and keep everyone equally informed. The goal is for your parents to deal with a professional estate planning consultant directly, not for any child to become the gatekeeper.

The legal line you must never cross

This part matters. A Will is only valid if the person making it has testamentary capacity (the mental ability to understand what a Will is, what they own, and who might expect to benefit) and acts free of undue influence (pressure that overpowers their own free choices). A Will made under pressure can be overturned, and even the suspicion of pressure, such as a child sitting in on the meeting or relaying instructions, can poison a Will's credibility.

So: encourage, inform, and help with logistics if asked, but never tell your parents what their Will should say, never insist on being present when they give instructions, and be entirely relaxed about not knowing the contents. A good estate planning consultant will insist on seeing your parents alone for at least part of any meeting. That protects them, and you.

A worked example

Imagine Claire, 52, whose parents are 79 and 81. She mentions over Sunday lunch that she and her husband have just updated their own Wills. Her mum admits theirs were done "when you children were small", nearly forty years ago, and her dad isn't sure where they are. Claire doesn't ask who gets what; she simply suggests someone come to the house to check everything still works. An estate planning consultant visits, meets her parents privately, and finds the old Wills name executors who have both died, and no LPAs at all. New Wills and four LPAs are in place within a couple of months, plus a "where to find things" list. Total cost of the original conversation: one slightly awkward minute over lunch.

This is a hypothetical example for illustration only.

Common mistakes

Waiting for the "right time." There is no perfect moment, and the only genuinely wrong time is after capacity has been lost: an LPA can only be made while a person still has it.

Making it about the money. Asking who gets what puts everyone on the defensive. Ask whether wishes are recorded, valid and findable, nothing else.

Going it alone among siblings. Secret conversations create suspicion. Be transparent with your family.

Pressuring a reluctant parent. Apart from being counterproductive, pressure can render a Will invalid for undue influence. Their Will, their choices, their pace.

Accepting "it's all sorted" without the practicals. Sorted means a valid up-to-date Will, LPAs, and documents people can find. Confirm the practicalities, not the contents.

Letting parents DIY the fix. If the conversation reveals gaps, steer towards professional help rather than an off-the-shelf form; homemade errors are exactly what you are trying to spare them.

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This factsheet is general information for England and Wales, not legal, tax or financial advice. Last reviewed: August 2026.